Post Calculus Test 2 vent

It's only the second calculus test and I think I have already screwed up really bad. Plus the fact that anything below 90 is bad, I don't know what to hope for.

I can't say I didn't choose this life cause I sorta did. I had YTN in my hands and I made my decision, but I definitely had no idea what awaited me. I think my life is sorta over and yes, I am probably over exaggerating right now but just bear with me. The currency is getting worse every day, I don't have anything interesting to look forward to anymore, I don't get to do anything that I love anymore, I study literally every hour of the day (minus sleep and shower etc) and still not doing well enough, I feel like my friends look down on me cause they are all smart asses, I hold back from buying the things I love even if they are just $10 and the only thing I am gaining is weight and a chubby face. I have been in the US for 4 months and I have barely been away from Vanderbilt. I don't get to earn my own money here which means I can't really go for retail therapy and God knows if I'm going anywhere this winter. My life is literally over, my life is literally over.

But honestly, every time I feel like complaining like what I'm doing right now, I feel ashamed of myself cause Allah has given me a lot and I'm thinking of those who don't even have clean water to drink and those who are facing worse problems than mine. But still, we are all being tested, but just not in the same way. 

I thank Allah for everything He has provided me with. I thank Allah for giving me the chance to be here, to study at the top 15 universities in the United States, for giving me good health, for still lending me my parents, and so much more. My life may not be going the way I wish for right now, it definitely is not, but every thing will pass anyway. Good things will come, my time will come. And for as long as Allah swt has me under His care and protection, for as long as Allah swt has mercy on me, biarlah susah dan menyeksakan dalaman sekalipun, biarlah if things aren't nice pun, asalkan Allah tetap terima aku. Asalkan Allah berikan aku pengakhiran yang baik.

Calculus test bukan tujuan hidupku.