by heart // by mind

Happiness in life comes in many forms and I am starting to believe it by heart that Allah swt gives the greatest challenges to His servants He loves most. Has it not been said in the Quran or in the Hadiths how the world is all amusement and play and have we not heard the saying that says that this dunya is a prison to the believers?

In my prayers, everyday I ask for Allah to grant me kebahagiaan, (because happiness doesn’t sound as profound to me) in this dunya and akhirah and that kebahagiaan I ask for, I myself have no imagination or description of how I truly want it to be. I want it the way God thinks is best for me because He is the Creator, and the One who knows and sees all so no matter what I truly want, I believe it in my head and my senses that He knows best and He gives us all the best, always. So I want what He thinks is best for me.

But in all honesty, I am not convinced by heart.

And I put the blame on myself who has been swayed by the temporary happiness in this world, even though I know it by my mind and senses, that all those decisions I made, I know that deep in my heart, they were never my true choices.

Because in truth, I have been running after a mirage and tell me, is there anything more pointless than that?

I remember the day I cried telling my sister about putting your trust in Allah, and that was how close I truly felt to God that I was literally living my life in no worries, because I truly believed by heart that He swt always had my back.

Everyday in my prayers I ask Allah to bring me close to Him, to choose me and grant me hidayah but in all honesty, I am still here. I don’t think I have progressed much. 

May Allah swt grant good things to everyone who has spread around about how one should not despair in the mercy and love of Allah swt because had I not heard this, I would probably have been amongst the losers. 

Happiness comes in many forms and we all lose some to earn some but there is no other happiness that I want more than the happiness of love. 

Sebab cinta itu kaitannya dengan hati, 

dan saat hati bahagia,

takpa meski kau tak kaya,

sebab dunia ini hanya sementara.

And this happiness of love I speak of,

by mind for now and hopefully by heart someday,

I hope for it to be in the kind of love Allah swt thinks is best for me.