To be honest, I think I have said this before but even if I did, I'm saying this again. You know what, sometimes, I'd say often times la jugak, I always feel bad for the person I am. Maybe some people make me feel that way but I know (or would like to believe) that they never really intend to. In the eyes of some people, I feel bad and loser-ish that I am princess-like in their eyes; like a city girl/definitely won't survive in hutan/high maintenance/all about make up and shopping/don't do sports/gym. In the eyes of some other people pulak, I feel bad that I am not as classy/intelligent/pretty as the people around them might be. I think I often find myself wondering and trying to set myself to be someone. Someone that I want myself to be. For a moment I think I should be the sopan/ayu/cute girl, but the next, I think I am loud and clumsy and cheerful and outspoken and firm but that's okay.
If I could speak to myself, I want myself to know that "I am sorry for the times you feel bad about being the person you truly are. I am sorry that sometimes you find the need to "alter" yourself so you could be good enough in their eyes. I want you to know that it's fine that you have high expectations and you really want what's best for yourself. I want you to know that it's fine that you won't settle for less. I want you to know that you are okay for being you. You are okay, girl. I want you to know that you don't have to be ayu/cUtE for people to know you're soft and you want them to be gentle with you. I want you to know that it's fine that you are independent, bold and outspoken and yet you want someone you can rely on and take care of you. But most importantly, I want you to know that you never have to doubt yourself. And you never have to settle for less. You be whatever you are and you'll be loved for that. You'll be loved for all that you are and all that you aren't. And you'll love yourself that way."
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