I really thought to myself today if it’s true that all the people I truly love and keep close will only be taken by Allah again in the end, just to teach me that dependency should only be upon Allah swt. And as I am typing this in the darkness of my room at 1 AM, it really makes me revisit that thought.

Maybe it’s true that Allah is always gonna teach me and make me remember that reliance should only be placed on Him and Him alone. Tapi hati aku, dengan izin Tuhan, sampai bila bila pun akan yakin dan percaya yang Tuhan itu penuh dengan kasih sayang. Hanya kerana kau tak patut bergantung harap pada manusia tak bermaksud Tuhan tak izin kau simpan dekat orang yang kau sayang, tak bermaksud kau takkan boleh sayang manusia banyak banyak.

Jadi, sayang aku pada kawan baik aku bukan toxic, 

bukan membunuh,

tafsirannya biar dari aku dan hanya untuk Tuhan.

My love for my lover and how he makes me feel complete do not make me dependent on the love of a human. This, is human. It’s human to want to keep someone close and be afraid that God has the power to take away something you truly love.

Mungkin the fact that I am still questioning why God let me lose some people I once kept so close maksudnya aku tak redha lagi dengan rancangan Allah. But this too, is human.

And I am taking time, and making progress.

Tuhan tahu itu maka cukup itu untuk aku.