Saat Bahagia

These days I stream "Saat Bahagia" a lot on Spotify and on the days my relationship isn't stable, tears would roll down my cheeks as I listen to this song (lol).. but for real though. 

This song gives me the vibes of going and growing through life with its challenging ups and downs with one person, that no matter how hard life can get, that despite the fact I may not be made of more good memories, for long as it's you and me through it all, growing and improving with one another, life is alright. 

With my anxiety and struggles through Vanderbilt, the lack of support system I received growing up, the unsettled childhood issues that have started to resurface and creating a mess in my head and my life, I had never seen life as a smooth-sailing ride. For someone whose biggest dream is to build a family with love and to become a mother, I think it hints enough of why it is so.

"Dalam hati hanya ada kamu
Kau yang miliki semua cintaku
Kau menjadi penawar hatiku
Sentiasa ada temani aku"

"Cinta hati ini tak pernah berubah

Seluruh hidupku dan selamanya"

P.S. You can best bet that I'll play this song on my wedding day after Faizal Tahir's Menang and sob lol

Make prayers for me! :)

Jan 8 // 1

You really are the strongest support system I've ever had and every single time I said I needed you, I wish I could have made you understand that all I wanted from you was to just know and truly feel that you're there; that I could take this journey on my own, and that you're both by my side every step of the way and at the finishing line, sharing the same excitement and proud when I finally, truly make it.

Please don't take my burden,
I just wanted your presence.

I just wanted to not go through it all alone.

"To share it all with you at the end of it all"

I think I was always so obsessed with this idea of going through it all, together and at the end of the day, getting to share it all with the one I love most but to think of it really, what is there for me to share with him, that actually benefits him?

Why in the world do I think that me achieving things and to finally get out of a mess I am in at a particular time, is something valuable enough for another person that I consider sharing that.. as if it benefits another in any way? 

Does that make me selfish, or just self-centered to think that such thing that feels like an achievement to me could actually mean anything to another? Does it even mean anything to another?

P.S. I forgot just how much being in this own space of mine makes me feel safe.

My safe space, this.