When you know what love really is and all the other things that your heart truly seeks, you’ll learn to set your standards and boundaries and you’ll muster the courage to not compromise what you deserve.

And I am on my journey of learning and remembering,

and standing firm in upholding all that I believe in;

and I will get there-

where I am supposed to be.

my boyfriend takes photos of me

My boyfriend takes photos of me....

woopz I missed the word (imaginary) before the second word hehe

The last time I had a lot of nice photos was during winter break because I was close with Afi and she loves photography and she knows how to use a camera. I always said I want a boyfriend who is into photography and would love to photograph me and take videos of me and I actually mean it. LOL with all my heart, I do and we all know that, don't we? Haha. I never liked having my photos taken until my best friend, Laila Hannah, always captured literally every thing I did back in TGB. She said that I gotta get over my insecurity so that someday I'll have pictures and memories to look back to. And I'm glad I am no longer a girl who's too insecure about her own looks. I am barely close with anyone other than Aliaa here, so who else would take my photos nicely and without me asking them to? Aliaa has a camera and she is good at it but honestly, I always feel bad when I have to return the favor (take her picture after she took mine) because I am seriously bad at it hahaha. It's not that it HAS to be a boyfriend to do this for me but you know, I fell for how people say some guys take photos/videos of their girls simply because they love seeing them/want to keep the photos as memories/they find their girls beautiful/etc. I am very childish in this matter, I know (lol again) and I know it doesn't mean that the guy doesn't love the girl if he doesn't take her photos. It's just: I personally like it and can only dream of it since the chance that I'll ever have it is non-realistic. Maybe someday I'll actually spend some money on a camera (Well, actually I can buy one now if I want to) but I am not good at it.

Since this is such a childish and unrealistic wish, I can only dream of it until maybe someday a miracle happens and I pick up some photography skills for my own sake so I don't have to wish for something so unrealistic and childish like this anymore.

I am impatient. I can feel my dreams burning inside me like enraging flames. I wish I could have them now but who am I kidding, the time has yet to come. My passion and determination are strong in this one, I dare not to spill more of this to any other soul for I fear of being ridiculed. Surreal, they may sound, but perhaps, great things begin with what may seem like far-fetched at first. I have shared my random thoughts on them enough with those in proximity but I should have shared them more with the One that has the power to make it happen.

O' Allah, make it happen. But until then, redirect my focus. Grant me patience.

Note to Self

Dreams, hopes, expectations, wishes and goals; are they all the same?

I have no idea.

Regardless, these are the things that keep people going. There are so many things that I want to achieve in this life and I know none of it will come true, unless I work my ass off for it. It breaks my spirit sometimes, when I envisage the obstacles that I will have to go through to achieve my goals. But despair not, for Allah has promised in the quran that after every hardship will come ease. So why give up when the Owner of this whole universe has promised you that? Why give up in chasing your dreams when you know that the Most Powerful One is always there to bring you up when you’re at your lowest, and is always there to help you when you’re in need? Endure. The path to success is never meant to be easy but fear not, for you have Allah to rely on and to go through everything with. Keep going, dear self. Set your niat right and believe in Him. You’ll get through it and you’ll get to where you dream to be.